20 things that should never be heard at church
April 25, 2012
- If you had only prayed more, this would have never happened.
- We could start by cutting the mission budget.
- Let’s sing Sanctuary one more time!
- You’re going to hell.
- I love this place because they always tell me what to think.
- What a great show! Hey, did they get a permit for that lion?
- Hi, um, I know you’re visiting here, so you didn’t know. But, anyway, would you move? You’re in my regular pew.
- Pray out loud? Heavens, no. That’s what we pay the pastor to do.
- Sunday school is just for the kids.
- We never talk about anything controversial. That way, no one ever gets upset.
- Now they’ve done it. They’ve changed (fill in the blank). I am not setting foot inside that church again until they change it back!
- If we have the Lord’s Supper too often, it just won’t be special anymore.
- I cannot remember the last time we baptized anyone.
- If you died today, would you go to heaven?
- If we only had a different a. pastor b. music director c. youth director d. fill in the blank then things would be better.
- I’m just not getting spiritually fed here.
- Those questions are off-limits.
- No pressure pastor, but, you see, I have a roast in the oven that will be done precisely at noon.
- We only read from the King James Version — the same Bible Jesus carried.
- Just three points, then I’m done.
2 Comments
leave one →
Witness to Grace 
Love it! How about including the 7 last words of a dying church: “We’ve never done it that way before”?
Yes!